Kropotnick By the Sea Condos

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Brighton Born Billionaire Lures Former Brightonites With Cheap Condos

Reprinted with permission:

Billionaire Murray Kropotnick wants people to return to Brighton Beach who lived there decades ago, and he's willing to pay for it.  The 81 year old singing telegram magnate is building 700 new luxury condo units across from Asser Levy Park, and the price is right: $1,000 for a one bedroom, up to $4,000 for a three bed, two bath.  The almost-free units will be available to anyone who lived in Brighton at any time between 1945 to 1985.  Why the generosity?  Kropotnick is nostalgic for the "good old days", and since moving back to Brighton last year, he misses his old pals.

"My parents were poor Jewish immigrants from Pinsk," he recalls.  "But the neighborhood had everything--delis, candy shops, tailors, you name it."  To recreate this atmosphere, the 6 multi-story buildings will not have faux fancy names like the "Bel Aire", but rather homespun labels that recall old Brighton.  Building One is "The Corned Beef on Rye Towers," Building Two is "The Pastrami", Building Three is the "Disco Freddy."

Many former Brightonites have already signed up to return.  Irvin Ferbissener, 56, of Manalapan says, "I had a nice life here in New Jersey, but it's lonely since my wife ran off with the gardener.  I look forward to ditching my gas guzzler, and getting on that B68 bus."

More stories about these exciting new condos, and a price list, are below.  Please scroll down.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Price List Now Available for Kropotnick "Almost Free" Condos

While a handful of Kropotnick by the Sea condos have been sold to friends of Mr. Kropotnick or influential politicos, the vast majority of the planned 700 luxury units remain available at rock bottom prices.  "When I was a kid a pensy pinky was 2 cents, and a lime rickey was a nickel," recalled Mr. Kropotnick, while sitting on his terrace with his pet schnauzerdoodle, Kropotnick II.  "Nowadays, you can't get a sour pickle with paying through the tuchas.  I want to bring back prices people can really afford."

The 2011 Condo Price List, on a first-come, first-sold, basis will be:

One bedroom, view of incinerator room--                $1,000
One bedroom, no view--                                           $1,200
One bedroom, no view, one cat--                             $1,300
One bedroom, no view, two cats--                            $1,400
One bedroom, no view, 3 + cats--                        Unavailable
Two bedrooms, view of ocean--                               $2,000
Two bedrooms, view of neighbor's bedroom-          $2,200
Penthouse, view of Asser Levy Nude Beach-           $3,000

All buyers must provide a "move in/breakage" fee of $12.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Adult Tricycles All the Rage at New Condo Complex

Murray Kropotnick, the flamboyant founder of Brighton's newest and cheapest condo complex, has solved Brighton's perennial parking problem.  His answer: adult tricycles.  Every resident of Kropotnick by the Sea will be issued his and her adult tricycles, which will be just inside the door when they arrive at their new homes. "Try not to fall over them and break your necks," Kropotnick joked.  Tricycles have been used by toddlers for years, if not centuries, but they have only recently caught on among adults.  "They're very green," observed Mel O. Hibrid, Kropotnick's Director of Transportation.  "In fact, we plan to issue them only in green." 

  Brooklyn Boro President Marty Markowitz, a Kropotnick resident, peddles into the Edna Kropotnick Memorial Lunchroom after a shopping spree at Modell's.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

New Kropotnick Shopping Plaza To Have "Classic" Stores

The new luxury condo development being built in Brighton Beach by eccentric billionaire Murray Kropotnick will have the types of classic stores returning Brightonites will relish.  An artist's rendering of what the some of the stores will look like along Kropotnick Boulevard is pictured above.  Condo residents will enjoy noshing at Big Zelda's Bagels, Dubrowsky's Deli, and Funkelman's Fine Fish.  Those seeking excitement can watch some razor cuts at Buddy's Barber Shop (4 chairs--no waiting) or, for the kids and teens, spend time at Pinky's Pinball Palace.  Thursday is league bowling night at Rainbow Cookie Lanes. Future plans include the Flavors of Seltzer Exhibit Hall, and Stu's Sporting Goods.  There will also be a newsstand right near the subway, manned by Benny the Newsboy, a spry 86 year old.  "It's a tradition in my family," Benny said.  "My father, who stood under the Brighton El was Abie the Newsboy, and his father was Moe the Newsboy."  Some Brighton lore:  Moe died tragically when a bottle of U-bet Syrup overheated and exploded when he tried to set the egg cream-making record in 1946.